I actually can’t believe it but, yes, I have got a job!
This is such an absolutely massive thing for me as I had wondered if I would ever work again. Not because I didn’t want to but just because I didn’t think I could ever muster up the courage to put myself out there again, to be honest I didn’t think I was even worth being paid to do anything my confidence was that low.
I have in the past had feelings of self-doubt but I had been dealing with them and growing in confidence. When we first got married and I moved to London I was applying for numerous jobs and I was getting good responses from interviews but never quite getting the job. I then fell pregnant with Isabella and had to put my career ambitions aside, I was actually offered a job when I was four months pregnant but couldn’t accept as I really didn’t feel that well being pregnant so I just continued with my temping job.
After I had given birth to Isabella I was in a bit of a state, looking back I remember I could barely sit down for Christmas dinner the year Isabella was born (she was born in October). I found everything a struggle, Isabella was a demanding baby and me being me I was determined to breast feed her. I am so glad now that I did but those first few months were almost like being tortured every time she wanted a feed; the only way I can describe the feeling was as if someone was drawing a sword out from my chest the whole time she was feeding. Needless to say I was completely knocked back, I felt so unsure of my own body and so unable to cope with my baby and felt such a failure.
It has taken me nearly four years and a lot of help from my wonderful husband as well as my mentor Trudy but I am finally getting there!
‘What job have you got?’ I hear you ask…..I now work in a pub!
For those who know me they will think this is such an odd choice, I get drunk of 1/2 pint shandy and I desperately need my sleep. But, it works and I actually haven’t felt this happy and satisfied in a very long time. I do two evening shifts on the quietest days of the week, for me this job is so much more than the money I earn, it is giving me a huge boost of confidence, twice a week, what more could I want!
Has having had kids knocked your confidence? Even if you haven’t had kids how do you cope with feelings of self-doubt? Do you have any confidence boosting tricks?
For now,
Catherine
PS. I will get a picture of myself working tonight if I can – photographic evidence 🙂
For Bella and Will 
Congrats on your new job! It’s great to hear it is already starting to build your confidence. My sister went through a similar situation after having kiddies and has now got her first job in 7 years. Good luck x
Hehe, thank you 🙂 Gosh, 7 years, I did wonder if I would ever get a job, hope your sister is enjoying hers. xxx
That’s so brilliant to read! I can definitely relate to this experience. I’ve kept working as a freelance illustrator throughout child rearing (we have 3) but there have been some wobbly times where one has a sneaking darker suspicion that we’re not valued quite the same way for this new role in life as a mother and homebuilder, as we were when we were in the “proper” work world, earning a quantifiable crust!! Well done you. xx
Thank you for your lovely comment Anna, I have struggled for years to fight that ‘stay at home mum’ stereotype that I feel like I have been labled with. It is so hard that our decision to stay at home through choice or circumstance is not looked upon very favourably even though the job we do is, in some ways, priceless.
Unfortunately I still haven’t had what I call a “proper” job but I know my time will come and everything I do between now and then is all experience and confidence building.
PS. I had a peek at your illustrations, they are super 🙂
Well done you! As you probably know, I’m in a bit of a similar situation so can totally sympathise with where you are coming from.
I imagine just the thought of being able to go out and work for a couple nights a week, is liberating in itself. I think though, just knowing that you did it yourself, that you had the confidence and courage to go for it, and that you achieved the goal you were after, was probably the biggest boost ever. You did it!
Thank you so much for your comment 🙂 yes I did read a few of your posts, that’s sort of what inspired me to write my post because actually it is such a massive thing to me to now be working, I hope that in some way others can see it can be done and be inspired.
I must admit, one of the nice parts about going out to work is to miss out on that grizzly hour and the bedtime routine, after over 12 hours of watching, helping, providing, cleaning up, tidying after and nagging the kids, to walk out of the door at that time is just amazing, I nearly skip to work, hehe 😉
Well done you. you will love it once you get into the swing of things
Thank you very much for your comment, it is not quite the kind of work I am used to but it’s actually lots of fun and to spend the evening talking to adults is super 🙂
Amazing news Catherine – am so pleased for you! x
Thanks Gemma, maybe this is practice for the cafe I will have one day? Still just a dream but we all need dreams 🙂
Hope you are well x
Brilliant news Catherine, well done, that sounds terrific. And what good planning getting a job where you get to walk out the door just when it is dinner/bedtime. Congratulations x
Thanks Bridget, it feels so good to have any sort of work at the moment and the fact that I leave to go to work in the early evening is rather nice 😉
I suffer with social anxiety and could never work in a pub, but I bet that getting out there and talking to people will really boost your confidence. Something I can cope with is running my own Supper Clubs which are currently fully booked only through advertising at my Church – doing the cooking is something I enjoy and so it then forces me to go out and talk to my customers – this is my way of trying to boost my confidence. Thanks for the interesting blog post.
Hi Victoria, thank you for your comment, I too am not the best in social situations and have to really force myself to go out sometimes. I will be going to work for 6:00 tonight and I already feel a bit paniced, but you know what, as soon as I get there and am behind that big bar I feel completely fine. What a great thing to run a Supper Club, I’d love to do something like that, I organise Clandestine Cake Club meets which also really stretches me!
I think we are all more confident and especially more competent than we think we are, sounds like you are doing great to me 🙂 xxx
That’s great – I was only thinking today that a few shifts of an evening would be very welcomed in my life right now – mainly for the cash but also to have something that is just for me! I used to do bar work as a student so I’m sure it would all come back to me! Whats put me off is thinking they’ll want me to work weekends? Think Id be lucky to find one that lets me do week evenings only! good luck with it though x
You should ask around, if you have done bar work before it will be easy for you. I must admit that I have been lucky as I know the couple that run the pub so I have managed to get a Sunday and a Wednesday evening. I have said that I can do two evenings a week so they might change in the future but they are so good that they realise I have the kids to look after x