What a day!

Do you ever have those days? You know, those ones where you wake up not having had quite enough sleep but you suck it up and put a smile on and throw yourself at the day?

That is how I felt this morning, not enough sleep but hey, it’s the holidays, it was sunny so I opened up the back door so we were in and out of the garden in our pjs. Such a super feeling. The morning was wearing on and like I said I wasn’t dressed so I popped upstairs, quick sink-wash and throw some clothes on. I could hear the kids in the garden laughing which made me so happy, what a lovely start to the day.

I was upstairs five minutes, maybe ten; when I came down I found the kids had managed to climb up and get a dozen eggs off the side in the kitchen and were throwing them at each other and on the path in the garden. I just couldn’t believe it, I was fuming! I couldn’t be near them as I just thought I was going to lose the plot so I sat on the front door step and called my husband. I know this sounds very extreme but I didn’t trust myself in the same room as them. I wouldn’t say that I am the most patient person but I can usually keep my cool as I know the kids are just kids but not having had the best nights sleep I was already at a disadvantage and to save any hysterical screaming and bottom smacking I had to get out of the situation.

I am ashamed at myself now and can actually see the funny side and can imagine the kids had a great time throwing the eggs but I was cross. So cross that I put the telly on for the rest of the day and retreated into the cyber world in my computer. Days like these really make me question my decision to be a stay at home mum and whether I am cut out for another couple of years of this. I am cross because my confidence is low and I feel like I am going to struggle to put myself out there when it comes to getting a proper job. I am cross because I know I am capable and wish I had kept a part-time job after I had the kids.

Do you ever question your abilities to be a good mum? If you are a stay at home mum do you wish you worked? If you do work do you wish you got to stay at home a bit more?

I am going to bed early tonight, tomorrow is a new day.

For now,

Catherine

PS. Who couldn’t love these two tatty heads?

Wellies on the wrong feet, holding a tiny onion she’s pinched from the garden – my big girl Isabella

 

 

Such a poser, using an onion pinched from the garden as a microphone – my big boy William

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This entry was published on August 15, 2012 at 8:37 pm. It’s filed under Thinking and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

6 thoughts on “What a day!

  1. Hope you get a better night! I know what you mean about questioning the decisions one makes. I don’t doubt that I made the right decision to be a stay-at-home parent, but I do sometimes worry that I am not doing very well at it, especially as we are planning to home-school.

    • Ah thank you, they were fine the rest of the day, they are just getting to the age where they conspire together. You are very brave to be planning on home-schooling, I did think about it but know that I can’t provide the things the kids need as I am too desperate to go out on my own path. I will be so interested to hear how you get on though x

  2. Bridget Leyden on said:

    Hi Catherine,
    I can really sympathise with what you’ve written. I have been by and large a stay at home mum since my children were born. And I certainly have some days where nothing seems to go right, and where I feel I just nag and grump! I have worked very part time for the last couple of years, as a learning support assistant (1 day a week), and a lunchtime assistant at my children’s primary school. However, I have just been offered a job, and I am so excited about it as, like you, I feel that I really want to have my own path. The job I’ve got is working for Natural England, and will be working with farmers to create environmental agreements. As my degree was in this field it really feels like a new start. I had my children right after I graduated so it will be my first ‘proper job’. My children are 5 and 7, so they are both at school, and I am really looking forward to having more to do. The job was advertised as full time but they have said I can start after dropping the kids off at school and finish early to collect them most days so hopefully I will not have to use any childcare. It is only a temporary job until March, but it is a start. I think it will be a big shock to the system going back to work. But at the same time I am rather taken with the thought that I’ll be able to work on things without being constantly interrupted. I’ll let you know how I find it anyway. xxx

    • Hi Bridget,
      I am so very excited for you, your job sounds like something I’d really enjoy, congratulations! I had two years after I graduated before I had Isabella and also have never had a ‘proper job’. It is so nice to think that in two years both mine will be in school and I will be in the same position as you.
      Hope you enjoy being back at work, I would love to hear how you get on xxx

  3. Mummy Plum on said:

    Your eggs story really made me smile…the true realities of mothering! I can really empathise with how you felt, and I’ve only got one child (no 2 on the way.) I had my son in my mid thirties, having worked constantly since I left Uni at 21. I decided to be a SAHM and it has been far harder work than I ever imagined – how ironic that I thought I was going to be on easy street! Sometimes I’ve had periods when it’s felt really tough. Looking after children all day is hard work. I could never be a Nanny. I’m sure it’s only the love I have for my own child that gets me through. That said, I do think what I’m doing will benefit my child and that’s why I do it. Being a SAHM can be a bit like the weather – unpredictable – you never know if the day will be filled with sunshine or showers!

    I hope you’re feeling better now. In years to come I’m sure you’ll look back on the egg story and laugh :0)

    • Hello Mummy Plum, thank you for your lovely message 🙂 I have many mummy friends who say they go to work for a rest, it is certainly the unpredictability of children that is the hardest part about being a mum.

      We have had a much better day today, we went out for a walk and spent ages looking at lichen and moss growing on trees, on walls and on the pavement, it was great! I love that I can tell the kids all about the natural world around us and know that being at home with them benefits them. I always try to say ‘we have good days and we have hard days’ as they are never really ‘bad’ 🙂

      The egg story will certainly be remembered 🙂 just wish I had taken a photo!

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